Tag Archives: depression

Why me, God?

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I’m a nobody.

There’s nothing overly special about me. I’m not stronger or smarter than the average person. I don’t have some kind of special knowledge. I don’t love better than others. I don’t sin less than anyone. I’m abundantly average.

In fact, I feel like I am weaker than most. I don’t know nearly all that I want to know, and my wisdom isn’t very wise compared to those I look up to. I struggle with loving other people because of my innate ability to be selfish. Oh, and I sin – a lot. Maybe I’m less than average.

I didn’t always see myself like this. I used to think I was everything to everyone. I was God’s gift to the world, but then I grew up and the voices around me began to make headway into my own thoughts. I began to see myself in light of the achievements of others and the opinions of others. That’s when I began to have a real view of myself.

The real view of me isn’t pretty. It’s nothing to brag about.

In this view of me, however, I also see that I AM God’s gift to the world.

As long as I am relying on my strength and knowledge and prowess I become puffed up and useless for God. How can He use me if I’m not willing to be used? But I have nothing to offer to Him. I’m just a messed up heap of brokenness.

Paul, the guy that wrote most of the New Testament, thought about himself in similar ways. He had a lot to brag about but he considered all those things as garbage. He had some kind of ailment or personal torment that he prayed for God to remove, but He didn’t. He struggled with the battle between what he wants to do and what he actually does – just like me.

Yet, when it all boiled down he came to one conclusion:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10

When I realize that I’m just an ordinary person with nothing special to give then I can also realize that Jesus wants to work through me. If I was full of myself there would be no room for Jesus. When, in my weakness, I allow Him to work amazing things then I get to see the glory of God working through me.

As far as pottery is concerned I’m just a cracked pot, but Jesus sees me as priceless and has chosen to work through me to change the world. He’s chosen you too. Are you willing to be empty of yourself so that He can move in and be glorified in you?

I can focus on my faults and inadequacies all day long, but it’s much more fun to focus on how Jesus is going to use me today in spite of all those things. Oh, and He does use me daily…it’s all about Him.

May Jesus be glorified in us as He changes the world by using His favorite instruments – us.


No One Understands

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You ever feel like no one understands what you are going through or have been through? Maybe you feel like you’re all alone in dealing with whatever life has served. You have friends, but they don’t understand, and worse, they don’t have time for your problems.

Alone is sometimes a very hard place to be.

There was a prophet in the Old Testament (many years before Jesus) who thought he was alone. He was really good at speaking on God’s behalf. When God had a message, Elijah was the man to deliver it. His boldness to proclaim the word of God didn’t win him many friends, however.

One family who received many of God’s warnings through Elijah happened to be the king and queen. Ahab and Jezebel were evil in the sight of God, and God used Elijah to explain that to them. This, of course, kept their sins in their faces and caused them to become angry at Elijah. In fact, they were angry at anyone who spoke in the name of Jehovah God.

So they sought out and killed all the prophets.

Elijah was on the run. He ran way down to the south and hid in a cave on the very same mountain God gave Moses the Ten Commandments. He was praying and weeping to God:

“I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too.” (1 Kings 19:10)

Do you hear it?
“I’m the only one left”
“No one understands me…they’re trying to kill me”

God understood, and so He called Elijah out of the cave and spoke to Him through a gentle whisper. He comforted Elijah and told him to keep working to spread God’s word throughout the land. Then he let him in on a little secret – there are seven thousand others who also worship God alone.

God reminded Elijah that though it may have seemed like he was alone and everyone was out to get him, the truth was that he wasn’t alone. He just needed to look around and see that others were going through the same thing.

In Galatians 6:2, the apostle Paul reminded the church that when they bear one another’s burdens they are fulling the law of Christ – which is to love.

If you’re going through a rough time, tell someone. A true friend won’t think you’re a burden. Your problems are important because you are important. You are a child of God, and He wants to remind you that you are not alone in this.


Astounded by darkness

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Have you ever been in a cave? Not the tourist trap, sidewalk lined, electronically lit kind of cave; a real, native cave – the kind with headlamps and helmets and bats and mud and darkness…true darkness?

When I was in college, I was a member of a grotto (read: caving club). One beautiful North Arkansas evening we went to a native cave for some fun and exploration of God’s majestic underground creation. The entrance to this cave was at the back of a pond and the stream from the cave was that pond’s water source.

The entrance tunnel was low, so we were duck-walking while wading ankle deep in this stream. About a hundred feet into the cave we startled a group of bats. These are small like flying mice (without tails), and they were everywhere, even landing on my helmet. It was an experience I’ll never forget, but that’s not the part of this trip I want to tell you about.

When we got back in a ways, we decided to do some alone time in the cave and meet back together after a short time. I crawled along through the wet tunnels, gloved hands coated in mud, until I found a place I could sit in silence…alone. Then I did it…I turned off my light, and it was dark. Not the nightime in The country with no moon dark – real dark. This was the darkness you can only experience underground – a subterranean darkness in which, try as you might you can’t see even your hand waving frantically six inches in front of your face. I know…I tried.

If you’ve never been in this kind of cave, it’s hard to imagine this literal kind of darkness, but maybe you CAN understand this figuratively.

As I go through life, I notice that I have to pay close attention to the perspective with which I view the world around me. If I see with a positive attitude, the world just seems to light up, but when I’m pessimistic, darkness reigns. Have you ever been there?

Back to my story…

After a few minutes, I turned my headlamp back on and decided to do a little more exploring before heading back to the rendezvous point. The tunnels were like Swiss cheese with each one connecting to the others so there shouldn’t have been a problem with me getting back.

My eyes were now accustomed to this dim light, this quasi-darkness, this twilight, so I thought I could see well enough. I crawled along at a quick pace, trying to see as much of the cave as I could before time was up, so I was looking straight ahead as I crawled. I let my hands “see” the floor. This is typical for being in darkness – using multiple senses to make up for the deficiency in one of the senses.

Up ahead, I saw a room that opened up, and I got excited. I thought it was a place I could go back and tell my crew about so they could come explore with me. What I didn’t realize was it was a room we had been in already, but that wasn’t the worst part. I didn’t stop crawling until I felt my fingers curl down. Remember, I’m “seeing” the ground with my hands. Suddenly, I stopped, heart racing, realizing I wasn’t on the floor of that room. I was actually on a small ledge about 30 feet above the floor. If I had kept crawling, even one more step, I would have gone headfirst into a painful fall that probably would have killed me. Close call.

What’s this have to do with life?

This event reminds me of what Jesus says in the bible about light and dark.

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your while body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!”
— Matthew 6:22-23

He’s not talking about a literal light in our eyes. He’s talking about our perspective. My perspective in the cave was full of darkness, and it almost cost me my life. I was clicking along thinking I was safe, but I was in terrible danger all along and just didn’t know it.

When we have a pessimistic outlook, we see the darkness in the world, and have a fixation with that darkness. We can see the worst in any situation. How does that make us feel? The darkness consumes us. It’s not pleasant, and it can seriously danger your life. From relationships in family to friends to work, any relationship…even that with your very self can be killed when darkness is in our eyes.

BUT when we have the light in our eyes, we can see the good in circumstances. I have known lots of people with this attitude, and I want to be around them as much as possible…maybe it might rub off on me. When you fix your eyes on what is good, everything can be bright..even family strife and layoffs and church trouble.

Perspective is a choice. We get to choose how we look at the world, and our past definitely influences which view we take…but it is not our jailer. We can choose to see with light in our eyes even when our past has been dark.

I don’t know about you, but I want to have light in my eyes. I want others to see it in my eyes, and most of all I want to glorify God with the light in my eyes. What about you?

When we got out of the cave that night, it was about 10 pm. The sky was clear, and because we had spent so much time in the darkness, when we started looking for the lights in the sky, they astounded us. We were truly attracted to those lights. I have never been able to see so many stars in all my life because I had been in the dark so long.

As you start this journey from darkness into light, you may not be the brightest light at first, but you will grow, and you will find that people are attracted to the light that shines in you…even the smallest bit of light.

Light and dark…it’s truly a part of life on the sharp end.


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